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The NYT Helps Grownup Youngsters Cope With ‘Election Stress’ – Tells Readers to ‘Breathe Like A Child’


It is often said that politics is a blood sport. Sometimes your side wins, sometimes they don’t. But in the grand scheme of things, you take a deep breath, and do on a smaller scale what most of us do every day: think about how you can be better. But that’s if you’re normal.

But the left are a lot like toddlers. How many times have you seen embarrassed parents remove a child who has not gotten their way from the floor of a store after said child has thrown themselves onto it and proceeded to throw a grade A tantrum?

Future leftist in training.

While election night wasn’t the slaughter Democrats and the left were expecting, The New York Times knows their audience, and felt that they should prepare them for the inevitable stress and disagreeable idea that they might lose a race or two.

In lieu of suggesting hiding the sharp objects, they came up with a handy list of “stress relievers” to get through those pesky election results where Republicans (or so they thought?) win.

A tweet advertised them as “evidence-based strategies.” 

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“Keep Calm And Chive On”

So just what are these fabulous de-stressing strategies? The first, sounds like something you might be doing if you are a “pregnant person” going into labor.

The instruction are: Trace the outside of your hand with your pointer finger. When you trace up, breathe in, and when you trace down, breathe out. 

The last time I traced around my fingers, I was five and I was making a Thanksgiving decoration in school for my mom. The fingers were the turkey’s feathers. This may be where the toddler analogy fits in. Then again, they could always add a warrior pose or two and then you have yoga!

Number two, Cool down. Plunge your face into a bowl with ice water for 15 to 30 seconds. Isn’t this what athletes do after the game? While it might be good for the pores, I am going to be stressed because after 30 seconds I won’t be able to feel my face. Will it freeze that way?

Number three, Move. Even a walk around the block can offer some relief for an uneasy mind. Seems simple enough, but what if you live in a high crime city run by the left? Perhaps this method will just shift your stress from election stress to possible beating and robbery stress. 

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But Wait, There’s More!

Number four, Breathe Like a Baby. Focus on expanding your belly as you breathe, which can send more oxygen to the brain. 

There’s the toddlers again. There’s a reason that keeps popping up. If only a simple lack of oxygen could explain the left. I tend to think it is way more complicated than that.

And finally, number five. Limit your scrolling – as in, looking through social media. While good advice, is it even physically possible? We all know that one guy. You know, the one that will argue with you on social media until the wee hours of the morning about some bit of minutia. He will drag out charts and graphs and email experts in order to prove that he is so not wrong. Leftists in a nutshell.

Leftists cannot scroll past anything, they feel the need to “correct,” so good luck with that. After all, they are just doing their part to rid the world of “misinformation.” Or is it “disinformation?” Who the hell knows… who can keep up?

Conservatives took it a bit on the chin this election. We were promised “red waves” and “red tsunamis.” Instead we got a red puddle. Should we draw on our fingers and breathe too? No. We will be disappointed, but we will live our lives and fight another day.

I can only speak for myself, but Republicans can probably get through it with a little wine and chocolate.

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